The Core

i am a self proclaimed ‘bad-breath-a-phobe.’ there was a point and time during my younger days where i would go through a pack of gum in 2-3 days. it got to the point where my addiction to breath mints rivaled my friend’s addiction to weed…

but i think after 2 years of mints, gum, unceasing brushing of the teeth and recently.. the use of mouthwash, i think i’m finally comfortable and confident that my words won’t be followed by a wall of odour that screams… ‘i just downed a block of goat cheese.’

but just a couple of days ago i saw this guy sitting by himself and i was like, why not introduce myself? why not do a good deed and reach out? and so i approached him, introduced myself and he turned, smiled and said

“_________”

see… i actually have no recollection of what he said b/c all i heard was the narst stench coming from his mouth. being my usual clever self, i took out my gum, popped one, and casually offered him a piece as well. he politely REFUSED my offer, and instead started talking again. at this point and time i almost freaked out at him… but instead i just pretended to need something from my bag and walked away.

and so, the moral of the story… brush your teeth after every meal. and if you’re offered gum… most of the time, its not a polite gesture on their part, but a last ditch attempt to save the conversatoin from your breath.

everyone has that one thing that they’re always unwilling to do… but the only reason why its their ‘thing’ is b/c they’ve yet to bargain it away for something that they deem ‘worth it’. and when you figure out what that person’s thing is… it becomes the ultimate test of bargaining on your side… and resolve on the other. what usually happens is… you put your thing on the line for something glorious… something that will net you not only instant joy and satisfaction, but full out acknowledgment of defeat from the other person… this wonderful prelude leads us perfectly into the other day when…

roll up the rim season has begun. new hopes are raised as old defeats are put aside… my friend won a donut and dared me to to shove a blueberry fritter into my mouth. me, being the fun loving chap that i am, graciously agreed to her little game… but i, also being the master of the bargain, asked her to wager something… her ‘thing’… which is… apparently, singing in front of an audience. she viewed this as a price that was way too steep and was about to back out of it when i stupidly offered to wager something as well. she, being the hateful person that she is, wanted me to put give up… my thing, which is… my weight.

now i think i have to interlude with an explanation before i keep going, or else you’re gonna think i’m either a little panzy girl, or a narcissisitc guy…

 i’m definiitely the latter.

moving on… to summarize. if i was able to shove an entire blueberry fritter into my mouth, and eat it, she would have to sing in front of an audience. and if i failed… i would have to eat 12 donuts of her choice… in one sitting. in otherwords… 12 more blueberry fritters. for those of you that have never frequented a timmy’s… thats 17 grams of fat x 12 donuts. to put that into perspective… thats 3 days worth of fat… and then some. the lard that you would take out of that you could probably put together and make a statue of… ok thats irrelevant. and so if i lost i’d basically be this giant ball of skin and lard… which isn’t too far off from my present state… but thats another story for another day.

anyhow. i agreed. and i won. i’m awesome.

the moral of the story… never use your ‘thing’ as a bargaining chip… you’ll always lose. unless you’re awesome, or you rig it in your favour.

sorry friend =)

so last night i was playing nba live 2006 when my friend passed this message through msn.

‘friend’: I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!

unfortunately for her… or me (however you wanna look at it) i was so involved in the game that i didn’t get the msg until an hour later… when someone else was like… DUDE ____’s getting MARRIED!!! i was like… whoa what? why didn’t she tell me? and low and behold… there it was. at first i was a little shocked, and then i was overcome with this incredible happiness b/c oh my goodness… SHE’S GETTING MARRIED!

and so we were giddily messaging each other, and then she logged off and i was talking to another friend and some very interesting questions were brought up….

is it too early? are they ready? etc etc.

what exactly is too soon anyways? i mean, is there a set time frame where it is no longer ‘too soon?’ and as soon as its no longer too soon… when is it ‘too long?’ i’ve had friends get married at 18… my best friend from high school was engaged at 19… and i also have friends who have been dating for, well… longer than the duration of most marriages. what’s the norm when it comes to something like this?

i guess its something that’ll never really be answered but here’s ACE’S TIMEFRAME for when to tie the knot.

when the following still happens… its still too soon:
- you look at her, and all you see are roses, other pretty flowers, and more roses..
- words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are still a part of your daily exchange
- washing the dishes are ‘a joy’
- the words ‘no honey, that dress looks…. good on you’ are still coming from your mouth
- walking her home in the subarctic kingston winter is ‘your pleasure’
- you’re digging her baby fat
- you actually wear what she buys you

there are so many more… but i think for the sake of my own sanity and the few remaining friendships i do have… i’ll stop here.

now… when the following happens… you should’ve been married last year…
- you look at her, and all you see is your chef and laundry girl
- words like ‘shut up’ and ‘SHUT THE FRICK UP’ are a part of your daily exchange
- you use plastic cutlery b/c she’ll make you do the dishes of there are… dishes
- you always have $10 in your wallet so that no matter where you are, she can cab home.
- you’ve signed her up for weight watchers

yes yes i know i know… i’m not really leaving a lot of room to maneuver… b/c it only seems like there’s a 3 day window where you have to propose… or else you fall into the latter group. but not really. i believe that you can stay in the ‘right’ time for… ever.

now… when the following happens… you know that you’re ready.
- you look at her, and you see every flaw about her, and yet… you love
- you’re still have that $10 in your wallet, but you’ll never use it
- you go to the gym with her… or just buy a bowflex =)
- and most importnatly, in spite of the nagging, whining, complaining, dramaqueen-esque exchanges, when you can wake up in the morning, and you are thankful that you have her… then its real. and you’re ready.

and so i’m officially t-minus 9 hours away from my anatomy midterm and instead of studying, i’m definitely trying out this new site.

today is valentine’s day; the season of love, if you will. and on this day i was called into work. at first i was rather reluctant… seeing as how i had a hot date with 9 other guys to gorge ourselves with meatfat and then go and watch braveheart… probably the manliest movie… ever. but instead. i was stuck behind the counter serving singles, would be singles, and guys that are too cheap to pay for a half decent dinner where the definition of luxury is not… extra cheese.

out of everyone that i served today, there was this one customer that stood out. she ordered a combo 3, paid, and sat down in the corner of the store. i continued serving, oblivious to my surroundings. after the dinner rush i went over to the counter door and leaned out, sighed and was about to go back when out of the corner of my eye i saw her. that same woman. sitting facing the wall. her features void of emotion. and thats when it hit me. she was empty…

and thats my story. no happy ending. no miraculous saving of her day. she just, finished her meal, sat for a little while longer, and walked out of my life forever, not knowing that she had permanently left her mark on me, while i failed to do anything for her. and upon her leaving, the second revelation of the day came to me. why didn’t i reach out? why didn’t i try to be her hero today? that i should try to rescue her from her sadness… how dare i want to do such a thing!

but why not?

i realized today, that i am too afraid to be a hero. afraid to shine because i fear that my light might not be as bright as i hope it to be… afraid that my heroism would be taken the wrong way.

but looking back on what happened. who cares? if it means that they might, if but for a second, experience joy. why am i so selfish, that my comfort supercedes another’s rescue?